Lois Lane Just Keeps Getting Hotter

Have you ever asked yourself why, when Superman could no doubt have his pick of all of the ladies in the DC Universe, he choose to end up with Lois Lane? I mean, sure, she has a nice career going, a feisty attitude, but let's be honest: at first glance, she is not the strongest contender--

Yeah, I'd polish her tiara. I'd polish it hard.

Well, I've drafted a theory that I'd like to present here. There is one reason and one reason alone why Superman should be happy to wait a thousand years for Lois--to meet the standards of quality research and scientific rigor that I've set out to abide by, I will explain using this graph:

Exhibit A: Lois Lane in Superman #1 (volume 1, 1939) 

Hotness factor: 3 out of 10

• As you can see, apart from a receding hairline and a mild hunch-back, Lois Lane started off looking, well, alright I guess. I mean, she probably wouldn't frighten children on the street, but I would bet that the most powerful man on the planet could do better. But, of course he is Superman, so he may be aware of Lois' upward trajectory. One thing is sure though: it takes her a while to get there.

 Exhibit B: Lois Lane in Superman # 250 (volume 1, 1972)

Hotness Factor: 4 out of 10

• Okay, after about 32 years Lois has begun to look a little more like a human female. She has a tight little waist going on, which curves out into a booty that Sir Mixalot would approve of (it's wider than her shoulders!). While she still seems fond of that butch haircut, she's laid off the Pomade (and replaced it, in this case, with the favored headware of the Canadian Military Police).
  

Exhibit C: Lois Lane in Superman # 423 (End of volume 1, 1987)

Hotness Factor:  5 out of 10

• Another fifteen years ticks by and as we can see in the legendary Alan Moore comic (I'd mistakenly said it was a Frank Miller comic, previously. Thanks for the correction Geoffrey!) "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow," Lois is cleaning up alright. Those lips look pretty sex, but the snaggle teeth she has sheathed in them, and the general impression of a massive under-bite, keep her from being the prime rib at the meat market. As one of my close friends so elegantly phrased it, "I'd hit it, but I wouldn't tell anybody."
  

Exhibit D: Lois Lane in Superman # 150 (volume 2, 1999)

Hotness Factor: 6 out of 10

• This is about the decade when Super-champ finally decided to get hitched. The suddenly brunette Lois is starting to look decent enough, though she has taken on a pretty distinctively soccer-mom look. I think big blue realized that if he waited any longer, she would be out of his league. Please note that, not only is she getting hotter, but her actual character design is changing. Ever see Superman suddenly change hair color? Didn't think so.

Exhibit E: Lois Lane in Superman 219 (volume 2, 2005)

Hotness Factor: 9 out of 10

• Lois' ascent on the "Hot or Not" scale, as indicated by my very science-y graph, accelerates as time goes on. Only six years post-soccer-mom, it is hard to believe this broad would choose a career in journalism when Victoria's Secret would readily give her a job. This is what the world's greatest hero should come home to. Regular readers will probably notice that DC comics is more frequently depicting her at home in her underpants. Way to play to the crowd, DC.
  

Exhibit F: Lois Lane in Superman # 222 (volume 2, 2006)

Hotness Factor: 10/10

• Lois now looks about twenty years old, has the body of a sorority girl, and has mysteriously become Asian. She does, however, have those 1970's hips back--and wears them well. I can't even wrap my mind around what this broad is going to look like in twenty more years. As you can see, it has been a bit of a bumpy ride, but Superman is as wise as he is patient. After seventy years of dogging the same chick, he at long last has someone presentable to bring home to Ma and Pa. All that is left is to reap the benefits of his plan:

Enjoy your hottie, Superman. God knows you've earned her.

-Reckless Enthusiasm